Always and Forever

Weddings are the best dates.

They are romantic, hopeful, happy.

There is food, music, friends and family. (All of which I LOVE)

I love the celebration.

I love the way each couple puts their own "spin" into the ceremony.

We went to a great wedding this weekend! Shelley, one of Bernie's past students got married. In our church. With her best friends and family as bridesmaids (a couple of which were Bernie's students). Her brother (Bernie's student) was a groomsman and played guitar. Her parents are a couple we meet with once a month...they mentor us, share life with us...

Bernie sang...beautifully, worshipfully, joyfully, and honestly, for God, Daniel, and Shelley.

Daniel's mom prepared a beautiful and touching slideshow.

Robbie, her pastor who has watched her grow up since junior high, married them.

They dismissed the rows from the church so they could greet their guests.

Everything about the wedding was authentic, true Shelley and Daniel.

Daniel, looking at his new bride.


Bernie and Shelley


Jim and Laura, parents of the bride

Were we this young? Was our future this bright? Do I really have to be reminded?


Bernie looking and me, his new bride.


Yep, looks like we were pretty young (and thin...)

But, with years come memories. With years, come new priorities, new dreams. With years comes authentic and unconditional love...

And 10 years later, he is still my best friend, my groom, and my superman!

(Taken after the wedding on a walk on Lake Michigan)

Tomorrow will come and go...

Tomorrow's going to be a tough day. No, I'm not being pessimistic. I would hope that wouldn't be a word that my friends would use to describe me. Realistic on the other hand...maybe. And that's what I am being.

Lana is sick. I had to take her to the doctor for the first time in...well, truthfully, I CAN'T REMEMBER! (Amen to that!) She doesn't have strep or anything that an antibiotic will help, which means alternating doses of Tylenol and Motrin to keep her from competing with the temperature of a pre-heated oven and the crankiness of, well...me without any sleep.

I am hoping...praying...BEGGING ACTUALLY that she will sleep well through the night. I can handle anything if I have sleep. If my sleep is interrupted, well that's a different story. And that is exactly what happened last night. You know the drill: just as you are about to fall comfortably asleep and into dreamland that "waaaah" echos through the hall and off the 1970's paneling. 3 hours later, she finally decides to stop fighting and falls asleep...for 3 hours. At least my gem of a husband took the second shift, which wasn't nearly as long, but was well worth my head not leaving it's home on my pillow.

One really great thing did come out of last night and Lana getting sick. For the first time since last time she was sick (again, so long ago can't even remember when) she was able to tell us what hurt and what she needed. "I code mommy" "code cot on head" "sock off mommy." That is my silver lining and that allowed me to reminisce about my baby girl...who is growing so fast.

Just a year ago she wasn't even walking yet. My arms were stronger a year ago! Cause I had to carry her everywhere. Last summer was a trying time. I wanted her to be just a little more independent, so I could sit on the deck with my friends and not worry that she'd crack her head open on the sidewalk.

Now, she can sit on a swing by herself and climb up a ladder to slide down a slide. She can run and play with her friends (Gabi-gell, especially, her favorite neighbor and friend, whom she screams to from our front porch). She gives her big sister shoves and can stick up for what she wants. (Not that we condone violence in any way-It's still great to see her grow).

Just before Lana woke up last night, I said to Bernie, "I wish you didn't have to work, I wish we could just be...no kids, no job..." And that wise man of mine said, "No you don't." Well, again, he was right. 3 less hours of sleep is a small price to pay for the joy Lana brings to our days.

So, I remind myself, now, before I call it a night (whatever this one will look like):

Tomorrow will come and go. (Trials, tiredness, chores, and all)

It did before I walked this earth, it does while I am here, and it will long after I am just a memory.

And that thought is something to cherish and something to look forward to.

Will you be my friend?

The cookout. Yeah, some of you know what I'm talkin' about. Let me fill you all in.

Bernie's mom has this cookout planned. See, she has a list of famous people that she would invite. The list is constantly being revised. She even shared this idea with an actor she sat next to on an airplane once, and yes, he is invited as well. He even has mentioned it in an occassional email to keep mom up to date on his next role.

I tell you...when, (not if, cause I know my mother in law, and if anyone can make this happen, she can!), yes, when this happens it will be the place to be and the time of your life.

I tease her about this but love the idea. See, I totally buy into it. I admire people. I admire the traits, talents, and experiences they have that I don't. I admire how we connect (or could if we ever met) on our similarities. So I have a list of people I would insist that she invite...for me.

When I was younger, this admiration was, well... to put it plainly, "wanting to be" that person. Not like or similar to, but to literally be that person...their looks, habits, skills, friends...One example is how I started biting my nails...because a "cooler girl" did. (Argh!) I begged my parents for "Youth Dew" perfume in 7th grade because the 8th grade cheerleader captain wore that. She also had lots of shoes and the most beautiful hair. In HS, I would push my seat back so I'd feel "shorter" needing to stretch to reach the car pedals because a girl I though was cool was way shorter than me.

Sometimes this admiration became straight out jealousy or bitterness. I won't even give examples of these very dark thoughts.

But with acceptance of yourself (I am continuously working on this) comes authentic admiration. The kind I spoke of earlier...the kind that leads me to dream up my own list for THE BBQ.

So, are you curious who is on that list? Well... (Not in any particular order)

1. Jason Mraz. You all know he's hot and talented, and I am obsessed. But the more I watch you tube interviews and read his blog the first (him being hot) goes out the window and I really just want to hang out with him. Plus, he says a lot of things (in his blog) that B says or would say and I think they'd be friends.

2. Jim from The Office. He is so funny and would be the best friend to team up with and play tricks on people. But, I want to add Pam, Michael, and Dwight to the list to see how the 4 of them interact in real life and not as their characters.

3. Paul Rudd. I've been a fan of his since Clueless. Same thing I said about "J" up there.

4. Gwenyth Paltrow. Naturally beautiful. Is she really that down to earth? Our kids are the same age...they'd play together and why Apple???

5. Jennifer Anniston. She also seems down to earth. And she's had her share of problems and heartbreaks but never goes nuts like Brittany or Lindsay.

6. Chris Daughtry. Wow...first I'd want him to play/sing with my husband--maybe even some worship songs. And I'd love to talk to him about how he came to believe and accept Christ.

7. David Cook. I love his quiet nature and devotion to his bros. Plus he was the first AI I wanted to win that actually did!

8. Kris Allen-- He's so young and humble. I'd love to talk to him and Katy about Christ-centered marriage and worship with them. I actually know someone who knows someone who knows him. That's only 3 degrees of seperation right? Ha!

9. Dave Matthews. His music (along with REM) was woven through my first years with Bernie. We evened went to the DMB concert for our first anniversary. Plus he knows Jason Mraz since they toured and it would be cool to see them hang together.

I am sure I have more...but I have to come back to reality.

I guess for now and until the end I will celebrate and admire people both near and far. I also hope that I can be interesting and joyful enough that I might be the object of someone elses authentic admiration. And someone may say to me "Will you be my friend?" .... And if it was one of the 9 listed above, well then, BONUS!
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Our weekend...

A great weekend! Sunday (before Bernie painted Belle's room) we went to a picnic at Lake Opeka. I just love this picture my friend Amber sent me (she thinks Belle is hiding from the papparazzi) I got to spend time with Becky and Abby at the park which was so fun and can't wait for the next chance to just hang and be friends--(instead of getting stuff done)!

And yesterday the memorial day parade was great.

The weather was cooler which means no one passed out from the heat. The band sounded great (especially since they practiced it twice) and our girls were pretty good. We played at the park and I got to spend some time in conversation with Belle's friend's (and Bernie's student's) parents.

Yes. Our worlds are starting to collide now. Some of Belle's friends in school have older siblings in (or on their way to) MWHS Band. I actually love it... a lot! It's another way for me to stay connected. I also saw how happy Bernie gets when the girls and I are there at events. We haven't been as present because of having two and Lana being so young. But she's growing up fast and I think we are going to try to be around a lot next year. I love the HS kids, I see how Bernie loves them, and they are super cool to me and the girls. Who wouldn't want to be around the youth and future of our nation and be encouraged?

B's seniors...he even talked yesterday afternoon about how much he's going to miss these kids!

We went to get comics, which allowed both of the girls to fall sound asleep in the car and for B and I to listen to music and talk. One of our favorite times together.

After coming home, and letting the kids watch an hour of Dora while we "rested our eyes" (snoring was involved, unfortunately) we got up to finish Belle's room. Bernie finished painting on Sunday and we needed to get the shelves and trinkets put back up (before Lana was the bull in the closet which was the literal china shop)

The girls went to bed shortly after that, and after dinner together (and Bernie for the first time reading this blog), he felt inspired to get out the guitar and play and sing on the porch for me. (It may have been the wine more than the blog, but he said this thing wasn't as useless as he thought and that more people should read it.)



So one hour and a half of singing and playing (thanks Justin for letting him borrow the steel string...sounded great), we headed to bed to call it a night.

Overall great weekend and can't wait to get the day off to a great start. My plans? After this...turn off the computer and phone and get caught up on the chores. My hubby deserves to come home to a clean castle...he'll be more tempted to serenade me again when there's nothing to be done.

Enjoy the last week of May...Summers-a-comin!

Freedom is...

Happy Memorial Day. I like Memorial Day. Now that I don't have to be responsible for a parade or performance, I LOVE Memorial Day. It's the perfect time of year, it is also a sign that the summer (and no school) is coming.

Holidays like Memorial Day, Bernie (band directors) needs to work...do parades, ceremonies, etc. But, I don't mind sharing him with the community. If his job with the Maine West HS Band makes others' day a little more meaningful, it is a small sacrifice. Plus, he comes home around 1 pm which is way earlier than most days.



I love thinking about our freedom. I love that I have this freedom to randomly say what I want to say no matter how meaningless. I love that we have the freedom to pray on my daughter's public school playground. I love that my daughter has the freedom to ask questions about God in class cause she doesn't know any better. I love that my dad (and mom) have the freedom to cruise the country in the corvette he got 2 years ago today. I could go on and on...

I know that many people risked their lives for this freedom. I am grateful even though I don't understand politics and the military and foreign relations. (And that isn't flippant, I just don't.)

Well, speaking of freedom, my oldest is practicing hers by raiding the candy jar to bring daddy some treats for doing a good job at the parade...(and I need to make sure she's not going to reward herself now for thinking of her daddy).

Enjoy your freedom.

Let's REALLY dream a bit--

Okay, so my last posts mentioned spring and the weather and how it makes me joyful.

Why don't I just move? Really...Why NOT?

I need to move somewhere where it is always cooler in the mornings and evenings and beautiful in the day. Breezy and near a beach would be ideal. Not too close to activity, but not too far that I couldn't hop on a bike (if I rode a bike) or convertible (really dreaming) to grab a starbucks. I want a place where it is cool enough to do physical activity without feeling like you are going to collapse. I would love to WANT to be outside and active.


So, while I describe that, it sounds like San Diego might fit the bill. And if that is the case...let's really go crazy and dream a bit.

You all know that I am a nut about my macbook and my blackberry (which hopefully will be replaced with an iphone someday...oh someday). I love that you can just throw random stuff out into the world and wonder where it goes. I facebook, twitter, txt, and try to blog, (but usually can't sit still long enough to really make the blogging worth it.) I cannot live without my ipod within arm's reach.

So, if I were to have a dream job it would be this...Being the "twitter/facebook/blog" post-er for a celebrity that I love. Okay...I guess I got to get honest, not just any celebrity...Jason Mraz. He seriously has this girl that is called the "joyologist." She posts info and funny comments/stories on twitter. She keeps the cyber world out there connected with what's up with "J." That would be AWESOME. Not only because I would love to see what he is really like, and be his friend, (mom g--he's SO invited to the BBQ), but I could constantly be typing on my phone or computer and it would be my JOB and it wouldn't be anything except random thoughts. I love that. I love random. I would be at his house...or on tour...or at the cafe...or at the beach. Chillin', Livin', ...whatever.

So, back to reality, I love my life. I love my kids and husband. I love my job, house, church, and community. But if I were to go all sci-fi and spend time in another dimension---I would be Jason's Joyologist.

Seriously...did I really admit that to you...whoever you are...out there....?

Fruit and Love

We went to a wedding last night. It was the first wedding that we attended of Bernie's past students. (Congrats Michelle and Christopher!) I LOVE weddings. Our wedding truly was the best day of my life. (Followed closely by the birth of our girls...)

I say this really annoying thing to people:

I am more in love with Bernie today than I was the day we got married.

Now, don't get me wrong. I was a bride floating on air...but I was in Love with the idea of us and our future. I mean, I married exactly who I said I would marry. (Because at that fresh young age, I thought I had control over everything that happened in my life...HA!) I married a musician with a strong family background, he was funny, cute, smart. He treated me well. We wanted the same things out of life. It was a perfect match.

Now, almost ten years later, I AM more in love with him than on that day -- July 10, 1999. I am in love with him and what we have...not the idea of what's to come. I love our experiences and challenges. How we've grown and changed. I love how we live in the NOW.

I have the Lord to thank for all this. Back when I was younger, my mom would say this old, kinda crude phrase, "you could fall into a pile of poop and come out smelling like a rose" and it is true. I live a charmed life. But now, I know there were fruits of the spirit working in me even back then. It was His presence all along...love, joy, peace patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. The bolded ones were always words that came up in my life. And the non-bold ones are continuing to be a work in progress.

I love things like weddings, and spring, and beginnings. Things that inspire me to look back and be grateful for what I have and have gone through (both good and bad).

Now...that was all deep stuff, so I gotta go do another post that lame and random.

Love...

B's...

Blogging on the Bathroom floor with my Blackberry while Belle and the "baby" are in the bath. Bernie is at Worship Team but will be home soon.

I am feeling extremely joyful lately. New songs to listen to have a lot to do with it. This spring weather and sunshine has a lot more to do with it. Having a husband that I fall more in love with each day has the most to do with!

Okay, so, of course I haven't blogged in a while and I definitely haven't weighed in on American Idol...but HOW I LOVE THAT SHOW! Congrats to that cutie Kris Allen. His job isn't to sell us with his personality, but to be an authentic singer/songwriter. I wish him luck.

For those Adam fans, he wasn't my cup of "joe" (since I don't do tea) but he will be successful, he'll do his own thing, and we don't need to "down" anybody. I look forward to Allison and Danny's albums and successes!

LOVED seeing my new obsession, Jason Mraz, on Idol and here's a picture he posted on his blog of him backstage...




*sigh*














I know my hottie of a husband is secure enough in himself to take me to Jason's concert for my birthday...I hope so at least...












Now, about Clay's blog about Idol not being realistic...whatever. I adore Daughtry, David Cook, and now Kris Allen, so they are alright in my book and I can't wait til January.

I am just happy that I only need to wait until Fall for the newest guilty pleasure…Glee. I know… I am so sad.

Wow. I feel like I have so much more useless stuff to say, but the kids are getting cranky (and pruny) and Bernie will be home soon.

To Be Continued…