The Life of a Lonely Blog

It had been nearly a year since I updated my blog.  There were a few posts in between as I switched over to a new site that allowed me to share quotes, music, or shorter posts, but it didn’t take off.

It wasn’t the blog’s fault…it was the writer’s.

I enjoy writing my thoughts.  When what I am expressing seems too personal, I try to write in my journal.  But, in both cases this past year something got in the way.  Call it the performer in me.  Call it perfectionism.  At any rate, writing started to be a burden.  I started to think that I “better sound smart” or “share something worthwhile.”  That I (and others) will “read this in the future.”  And I allowed a wall to be built cutting off my expression and choking off the influence it has in the process of growth.

Then it was suggested to me to do a sort of abstract journal.  A sketchbook with no rules.  Clip out pictures.  Write words down.  Collect items and glue them on the pages.  It took off!

Only a week later I have not only began an exciting, new expression…I have broken through the wall of perfectionism and sparked the desire and ability to share my thoughts in the written form again.  (re:  2 blog posts in 2 days)

So, this is my promise to myself…I will make spelling errors.  I will misuse punctuation.  I will try to explain something and not always do it clearly.  I will post and not worry who or how many people read it.  I will use this blog, my personal journal, and my sketchbook to connect with my creator.  And, he sees past all my mistakes and worries.  Not because they are okay…but because He has redeemed me and through grace I am saved.

Loneliness has no place in 2011.  And I hope I’ll have a full blog, journal, and sketchbook at the end of the year to prove it!

Well, THIS will be interesting!

I’m giving up!  Nope…not in a bad way…in a discovery sort of way.

I was laying on the couch with my “under the weather” 4 year old as I ordered my “Virtual Family” around on my iPhone and killed “Evil pigs with Angry Birds.”  Things were getting out of hand.

Every year I have a plan, a goal, a new beginning.  It was time for the new year to begin…16 days late.

We are studying Spiritual Disciplines in church.  It’s natural to focusing on journal writing, scripture memorization, community, corporate worship.  They come more easily to me.  It’s not a lot of “work…”  This past week we focused on Fasting and Solitude…yeah, not really my forte.

See…I’m scared of fasting.  I’m scared of unplugging.  I’m kinda known as a person that knows about pop culture, new trends, new gadgets.  I can hold a conversation with a middle school kid…a high schooler…someone in their 20s…someone in their 60s…You get the picture.  I am aware of pop culture.  (Don’t get that confused with important current events…I am not up on those!)

If I do what I’m planning to do…purge and fast…I’m risking losing a bit of that.  And, that’s a big part of how I define myself.  Current.  But…what if that’s not the plan God has for me.  Am I willing to give that up?

I’m reading a cool book called UNSTUFF.  I’d probably be done with it by now if I hadn’t played virtual family, angry birds, and bejeweld so much…not to mention hours of Criminal Minds re-runs (they’re new to ME).

On page 3…yes PAGE 3… It asks questions like:

What stuff can’t you live without?

Of the things you mentioned, which are essential for life?

What stuff makes you feel better when you’ve had a bad day?

What is one thing you could never give away?  Why?

What do you have too much of?

What about stuff stresses you out?

What stuff do you fear being without?  (THAT ONE HURT!)

What stuff do you have to have in order to be happy and content?  (Hit me while I’m down, why don’t you!)

Stuff was meant to supply our needs…

So I began to think?  Where can I unstuff?  What can I fast from that will make a positive impact on my relationship with God and others…

I had to start with the “apps.”  I LOVE my iPhone!  REALLY LOVE it!  I don’t know what the appropriate Greek word for this kind of love is…but there’s got to be one.  Cause LOVE is the right way to describe how I feel about my iPhone!…

But, I waste a lot of precious time on the 150+ apps that are on that treasure of mine.  So, I cut it down.  I removed Angry Birds and Bejeweled, Words with Friends (I always lose anyway) and Virtual Family.  I took off all the shopping apps except Amazon (for work).  I moved facebook off of the front screen and before I could change my mind I pressed SYNC.

That was step one.  Step two (speaking of Facebook) was to disconnect from that.  I am posting on Tumblr now and IT will go to my facebook page (but I won’t).  It’s not the posting that’s the problem for me.  It’s the looking up of everyone else and their business that sucks up my time.  So.  Bye bye facebook.  I will be back on February 1 and no sooner.  

You may be thinking…what’s the deal, how different is tumblr?  Well, for me VERY different because I only follow one person on tumblr where I have hundreds of friends on facebook.

And…for the rest of the month I am going to purge and fast from other things that God brings to mind.  I am going to rid my e-mail accounts of newsletters (that I never read anyway) tomorrow.  I’m going to listen each day to see if there is another item or behavior that God wants me to live without.  And I bet the less cluttered my time, mind, and environment get, the better I’ll be able to hear His plan.  

So…I’ll be posting along the way…maybe.  And if you haven’t disconnected from facebook, you can follow along while it happens.  I won’t see your comments or know what’s happening…so don’t think I’m ignoring you, I’m just on a fast.  

Yep, THIS will be interesting!!!